Should it Stay or Should it Go?

So I officially started packing yesterday. I had to go to work in the morning, but I was done around noon. I was suddenly in the mood to get started. I began with our Packers shrine, and moved on to some photos we had hanging on the wall in the bedroom. Then I tackled my vanity, with all my hair stuff, and make up and jewelry. I tried to be patient and go through everything because I don't want to drag a bunch of junk with me, I made it through all of that stuff, then I moved on to my closet and shoes and purses (the latter of which I only have 5, including the one I am using now). I began to clean out under the bed, trying really had to sort everything into piles. Keep, give away, and throw away. I'd say I made a little progress, but compared to the mess I made it seems like very little. And it's hard to go through everything because some of it I just forgot I had, and some of it (like my paintings) I love but just don't have room for here, and so it started getting tricky. I haven't used many things, or hung up many of my paintings. Does that mean I don't need them, and should get rid of them? Or would that be exactly the wrong thing to do since we are finally going somewhere where we will have room! I don't know.

I have a surprisingly large art collection for someone of my age and...economic standing. Much of it is my own work of course, but I've accumulated quite a few other works from various people. But I digress.

Anyway I worked for a solid five hours yesterday and felt completely brain dead by 5:30. There are so many decisions to make when packing. One box could include 20 of them, and while some are easy, others are difficult for no apparent reason. I went back and forth deciding whether or not to keep a bag of elastic (the kind you use to sew into clothes) I found. For some reason that was a tough one. Another one was a jacket I bought in China. I have NEVER worn it. It's kind of tight across the chest (and like an XXXXL in Chinese sizing, which is not so great for my self esteem). But I've kept it all these years. I kept telling myself that I'd never have the chance to get another one so I should keep it. But then I was like WTF? I never wear it, so who cares if I can't get another one?  But a little voice inside my head suggested maybe I'll wear it someday. It urged me to consider the possibility that maybe my boobs will miraculously shrink, and one day, years from now, I'll think to myself, "Dammit. I wish I had that green silk jacket from China!", and feel such remorse and regret for not having kept it for the past 15 years. It was an emotionally complicated decision and felt unusually important for something that has been buried in my closet for 4 years. Uggg...but that's how you feel when you are on you 245th item and decision.  

I'm going to get back at it today, but I definitely need to take it slow. When I start feeling exhausted or worn out I just need to stop. This morning Eduardo looked at me and asked "How do you have so much stuff?!" And it's true. I do have a lot of stuff. But I get rid of junk all the time, so I am not entirely sure how it is that I still have so much. Most everything I have means something to me. All my knick-knacks are from my travels, or one of a kind pieces. I've got shells I collected diving in Florida, and rocks I found at field camp, I have scrolls I bought in China, and pine cones I collected in the Sierra. I've got Art Deco lamps from the 1920's that came from Granny's (my grandparents antique store), and my name in brass letters from mom and my hand made Petri dish (bowl) that I got from Jason for my birthday. I have old family photos and original art. I have a few concert posters from shows that I actually went to and Christmas decorations I bought in France...I don't want to get rid of any of that!

Some stuff is just taking up space I think, but I feel for some reason that I just can't part it. It's part of my past, or it would be a shame for it to end up in a land fill. I have a couple of boxes of old school stuff, notebooks, and things that I wanted to keep, because how could I throw them away? I have a small valise with ALL of the stuff I kept from grad school! That is hardly anything at all! Yet I still have so much stuff! Boxes of photos and negatives that I can't do anything with, but can't throw out either.