Life is Always Too Short

I'm on my way home from France. I it's just as well. I feel like there is so much happening in our family, and I have so much to do at home that it was getting a little frustrating being so far away and not being able to do anything about it. So it's good that I'm on my way back.  We found out that Memere is not doing well at all. I don’t know if I am more sad for me or for mom. Since Memere is probably not going to last much longer I think I will drive with Eduardo this Thursday when he heads back to Michigan. I think I will stay over Thanksgiving, spend some time with Memere if I can, and if not, then spend the additional time with the family and be there to support Mom. I think I can swing it with my work. That way Eduardo and I can also look for places and he won't have to spend Thanksgiving alone, and we will be together. It just seems like the right thing to do in the situation. I am going to have a crazy week ahead of me though.

I need to get pre-qualified for a mortgage tomorrow too, just to make sure that information is in place when we need it. And I need to find out from Dad if that house in Fort Gratiot is still on the market. We could have an offer in by next week if I can get the mortgage thing sorted out before we leave. So much to do!

I am still a little nervous about quitting work, but only in a sort of surfacial way. As soon as I think about it for two seconds and realize that this is my chance to break free of all the monotony and boredom, all my hesitation goes away.

Despite the fact that I barely slept last night, I've been on a plane for 5 hours and have 6 more to go, and I'm overwhelmed by everything that is going to happen as soon as I get home, I am feeling pretty optimistic today. I think it;s because of Memere, as strange as it sounds. I'm am feeling really sad that Memere is going to die, that’s probably why I am writing right now, and rambling as I go…. I'm just trying not to think about it really until it happens. But I am thinking about it, and it has reminded me of how short life is, and how little time there is to really enjoy it, and how much better spent it would be without my incessant worrying. And I feel a little guilty for feeling this way, but I am suddenly just feeling really happy to be alive, and having (I hope, assuming this plane I'm on doesn't crash into the Atlantic) the next weeks, and years ahead of me to do whatever I please.I feel like I've just won the lottery! I don't know how I can feel that way, or if it's even appropriate under these circumstances. I think I would be more sad if I didn't think she was ready to go.  I'll tell you though, it really does put into perspective a lot of things. I suddenly feel compelled to really just focus on the good things in life, and be optimistic. I just wish this kind of clarity could last all the time, and not fade away after a couple weeks. I know I for one would probably take a lot more risks...and quit worrying so damned much.)

So, with that in mind, it looks like Eduardo and I will be able to spend Thanksgiving together. And I will be able to go to Michigan with him. If we can still get that house, we will be together when we make an offer on it. If everything goes according to plan then we can move in January like I wanted with no problem. Or later if the timing is better then.

I'm feeling pretty good about letting my work know that I'm leaving. I'm looking forward to a new life and a new routine. Eduardo and I will be together more!!! Woohoo! We will have projects to work on together. I might start a home improvement blog, or document our 1st reno project. I might see if those teaching positions at SC4 are still available. I might see if I can write once or twice a month for the Times Herald or something. I'll have my pups and get a new gym membership, I'll run and start a completely new workout regime. Maybe Eduardo and I can get a punching bag and set it up in our garage or something and keep up with out kickboxing? We will have new restaurants to try, and the lake will be super close by. We will get to hang out with Dad more, and Uncle Jack and the family here, and in the spring I can plant an herb garden if I want. We will have new weekend destination opportunities when work is slow, or we just need a break. We can head up to Mackinac for a couple days, or Green Bay or Chicago. We will only be an hour from Frankenmouth and the giant Christmas store! We can try home brewing, and spend snowy days at home together working on the house or watching Supernatural reruns or playing with the dogs.

I don't know why, but suddenly I am feeling inspired!